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Want to know what is in the girl (s) mind....

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Posted by MayC (278 days ago)

nick_beijing, we all have different characters with different needs and I can relate to some of these girls.

When I was at Uni, I met a guy - very rich, I daresay... lived in an affluent suburb in Sydney and drove a mercedes. He was intelligent, career-minded and not bad-looking. He pursued me for months. I rejected him. Simply because I knew what life with him would be like. He loved travelling. He had goals and dreams of becoming "the most successful person" if life would have it. That wasn't me. I needed a family man... a man who would put his family above all others.

Unfortunately, my husband whom I thought was the kind of family man I wanted, turned out to be the opposite too. He was caring and always there when I needed him but at the time, I don't think I thought carefully about the implications of him having a factory in China. I didn't even know much about China back then or of HK. Blinded by love, perhaps?

Anyway, he has two factories to run in China and he's only home once or twice a week.

Such arrangement perhaps is okay when you are not married or when you don't have children, but things changed when I became pregnant. His absence became harder for me.

To make matters worse, I had a complicated pregnancy and 9 out of 10 times I went to dr's appointments alone. I was at risk of bleeding and had to prepare myself in the event that I needed to call 999 on my own.

I come home most nights now and tend to our child on my own. When she's sick and needs someone, there's only me. Come weekends, and half of the time, there's only me. I have a helper, yes, but she's only alone with my daughter for 3.5 hours a day while I'm away at work. I have to work to make ends meet but I take my responsibility as a mother quite seriously so I don't pass my helper these duties when I'm home.

Maybe I am selfish for wanting my husband to come home and to share our lives. Maybe I'm jealous of his work, that he puts it ahead of me....maybe there's even a little voice in me saying, "Do you think there's a third person?"..... I don't know....all I do know is that I come back to an empty house. My ideal home isn't a house, that's not what I wanted... my home is him... and sometimes I fight hard to remain strong, to consider that he loves us but has his responsibilities at work too... I have seen how hard he works, I've been there to see him lead his factories...

But it is damn hard!

Try spending sleepless nights feeding a baby and attending to her on your own with no support. And not being able to show uncertainties because there is no one else that can help. Friends live too far away and I'm in a foreign country, away from home!

Sorry, just explaining the other side of the story, a long winded way of answering your question... what's in a girl's mind who puts love and family first.....

Only my 2 cents worth...

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by Pupalicious (278 days ago)

That literally was hi-larious!

Look, I'm going to take the contraversial route here, and say that I think nick is the selfish one here. He's the one who WANTS to have this career where he's flying all over the world. I don't think you need a job like that to be affluent.

My dad is a primary school teacher, my mum works in the school office. My mum drives a BMW and we have a 4 bedroom house with 2 en suite bathrooms. They have an ENORMOUS morgage but they are affluent and comfortable. My parents both read me a bedtime story every night without fail when I was little, and my dad is still there for me when I need him now I'm 25.

I don't think you need a job like this to be rich and sucessful. I know everyone measures success by different standards. To me, a sucessful man is one who can provide for his family both financially and emotionally. My boyfriend earns 1/3 of my wages, and he's a fantastic bloke who takes care for me, and most importantly is there for me.

His dad, however, works in Beijing and his mum lives in Hong Kong. I grew up in England (hense the big house) and parents living apart either means they're divorced or just about to be. It seems a completely alien idea to me to try to maintain this perminant long distant relationship. I think it's selfish to expect someone to put up with it.

I want to go to back to England to do an extra masters degree, and my boyfriend dared to suggest he should stay in Hong Kong, and I can come back in my holidays. That will never happen. I think a real relationship involves touching, it involves going to pre-natal doctor's appointments together, it involves arguing about who's turn it is to do the dishes and complaining that he leaves his used ear cleaning bud cutip things all over the bloody house!

Maybe I'm selfish, or maybe it's just a cultural difference. I wasn't raised in London, I never saw a Prada shop until I came to Hong Kong. I thought Tiffany was a friend of my sister-in-law-to-be. I did my first masters degree in Oxford, where they had a Starbucks like off of the tele! I don't have these ambitions that the other girls seem to have. I wonder why they would spend 10k on a Gucci bag when they can buy ten nice bags for the same price!

I think that if Nick really cared about the girl that he was with, he would chose a job that didn't have him travelling all the time. Either that, or admit that he's selfish and that his career is more important to him than his relationships. Nothing against you mate, each to their own.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by Elodie (261 days ago)

It sounds to me that you want to have it all. Men are selfish that way, sorry, but it's true. If you're not willing to compromise and adapt to your partner's life and needs, you are selfish. It's good of you to make it clear from the beginning, but your message may come accross as: "this is how I live, and I'm not going to change anything for you". Be carfeul, there.
It seems your career is very important. Fair enough, I understand what you're saying about building something, you're an active man with ambitions, and you know what you want, that's very positive.
Then you need a girl who finds your career is very important, too, and doesn't mind waiting at home while you're building something for yourself. They haven't been making women like that since the 50's, however, so she may prove difficult to find!
Anyway, here's a possible solution to your lifestyle that cant' be disturbed:
while you're still dating, and if she has time, why not ask her to come along on your trips, let her do tourist things while you're in meetings, but you're still together in the evening? She'll have to be quite independent, but why not?
Now here's my advice as a married woman with kids and a traveling husband (he travels to a degre that is acceptable to me): in the long run, constant travelling is not sustainable, and you, or your boss, have to be reasonable as to how much you actually HAVE to travel.
When you have kids and all, she will be resentful if you never participate in their upbringing, no matter how many armies of nannies and cooks and cleaning ladies are helping her, and regardless of whether she has a job or not. Unless, of course, all that matters to her is your paycheck, but that's another kind of relationship.
Of course, you're not there yet, but think about it. Most housewives will take a reduced salary if it means daddy's at home more and participating in the life at home.
You seem dedicated to spending time with gf while at home, again this is very positive, but you bring work home?
The balance between work and private life is delicate, and it ultimately depends on how much your gf/wife will take, and how much you're willing to sacrifice. I'm sure most people in HK accept that many jobs mean travelling a little. If they don't they are indeed selfish.
Keep in mind you can't just expect someone to bend to your needs and choices just because you've explained what your life is like. In the long run, you will have to make choices. Just make sure you and gf agree on it. Balance is everything.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

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