kids

Posted by solo con te (388 days ago)

I am curious - what makes a man want to have kids? and what makes a woman want have kids? Can you share with me your reason why? Thanks.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

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Posted by kitty531 (388 days ago)

I can come up with hundreds of reason for not having kids, but can't have one for why to have. Am as curious as you and waiting to see why?

(I am based in Guangzhou)

Posted by Justin Credible (387 days ago)

All I can say is, if you dont want kids, dont have em.

Isnt that why you are asking? Coz you dont have kids and you dont think you want them but you want to know if you are somehow missing out on some great fountain of joy?

(I am based in Unspecified)

Posted by Claire (387 days ago)

No matter what some people might like to believe, e.g. that humans are different from other animals, humans are hardwired in the brain for reproduction as a biological imperative, just the same way as every other creature on this planet is. Some do break this programming and decide not to reproduce. But for others, the need to reproduce consumes their lives and can even destroy their relationships.

(I am based in Unspecified)

Posted by Aijin (partly perpetual) (387 days ago)

Although most folk know about my pregnancy-phobia… I do think that some folk actually do nurture whether it be for life affirming reasons or purely biological…

I do also think that if you wish to breed then the earlier the better as you have the naivety and energy and less chance of any resentment through taking a break in a career.

For me life is just way too short and the thought of committing to something for life (or at least 20 odd years) is something I have neither the time nor inclination for… let alone the concept of selflessness or responsibility!

(I am based in Unspecified)

Posted by Well I'll Be (387 days ago)

you've got it wrong.....

guys want to have sex.....kids are the consequence

girls want to have kids....sex is the antecedent

don't the two make a lovely pair :)

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by balzac (387 days ago)

if someone doesnt like garlic nor wishes to have them, they shouldn't wonder why other people like them, particularly if they are not interestd in giving it a try ever

Somehow a few acquaintances who profess to not wanting kids end up collecting lots and lots of animals. Like 13 furry friends. I guess the biological urge is then focused on animals?

(I am based in Singapore)

Posted by Chiriqui (387 days ago)

From someone who used to be totally pregnancy/ baby/ kid phobic as well - it's now, for me, a matter of the onset of aging, hormones, and the luck of meeting an absolutely wonderful man who would be the best dad ever... and now I can't wait to have his babies (sad as that may sound). Must say though, I'm still not a fan of other people's brats at all.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by 788 (387 days ago)

My brain, when detached from the heart and feelings, can still come up with more reasons not to have kids than to have. Yet, we are going through fertility treatments. Doesn't make sense, does it?

My brain still thinks having a kid is an act of selfishness in the first place. Its all about my wanting to feel a whole new set of emotions, actions, whatever with the person I love. I am at peace with it!

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by tigerbay (386 days ago)

There are some people who really want kids,

There are those who don't.

I thought I didn't until my second wife got pregnant. Unfortunatley she lost the baby.
Now I want a baby and my wife does not.

There is not always rhyme or reason.

(I am based in Shanghai)

Posted by Saikunga (385 days ago)

The human is a strange thing - there are no good reasons to have kids - they take all your money, create problems (well beyond 20 years), cause you pain in so many ways but if you don't have kids you never grow up. Kids make you understand what unconditional love is, they help you to understand yourself and others better and they give you a great perspective on the world in general. To give over to another human so completely allows you to relinquish all forms of selfishness and self centredness. They do bring you joy as well and heartache, and the laughs and tears do eventually equal out. They help you to become an excellent problem solver and help you to get rid of any rigidity you have in your life - they help you let go of your hang ups.

There is nothing equal to having to look after children - even animals don't come close and I find those people my age who not have kids - they are usually selfish and self centred and set in their ways. Kids keep you young as well.

The brain is wired to procreate - there is no rhyme or reason for having kids in your life, I just know that after having them - you couldn't do without them.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by Aijin (partly perpetual) (385 days ago)

I disagree totally… having offspring means conditional love… unconditional by it’s very nature means for no reason let alone rhyme… by breeding you must accept the responsibilities society dictates and thus follow the book per say… you are not growing in yourself just projecting an ordained outlook on another… IMHO tis the ultimate in control freak-ness- can’t change/do something for yourself so thus use the offspring as an outlet… serious repression personified.

Yup I am selfish but at the end of the day it is all about me as it is all about you and what you all want. I think it is selfish to bring a kid into this world and expecting them to change and educate you from their mere existence… an innocent should not be used as a life affirmation.

*SMH... but donkeys for beaches...*

(I am based in Unspecified)

Posted by Justin Credible (385 days ago)

Aijin you dont have kids, so you dont know. Simple as. Kids rock! I am not kidding ya! I mean, I didnt want kids, I was one of those peeps who was all "damn its good to hand em back!" but when my kidlet came into the world...it took me 2 years to get with the program, but oh my WORLD! He is so frikkin awesome! I kinda didnt want any more kids solely coz I didnt want to love anyone more or less than I do my wee kidlet! He made life what it is. He made sense of everything. When he was born I was no longer existing, I was living.

There is nothing selfish about it...its great in life to put someone worthwhile before yourself. I aint got no issues with folks that dont want kids and they dont need to educate me on the whys or whats...its simply a choice you make, right? Who cares why! I am not gonna convince folks on why having a kid is great because my experience is purely individual. My son is awesome and its all the more awesome because he's my son!

Like I said, I wont be going out and having more kids or nothing, but life is so much more fulfilling when you have someone as cool as he is, lol. I am sure one day he'll turn on me like some mad rabid pitbull, but who cares! Sheesh! Everything that precedes that moment would have made it all worthwhile. If that aint unconditional love, full on agape, what is?

I mean, I would give him my bone marrow, I would give him the greater chunk of my liver (the part that is still useable!), a kidney? Sure! Heck a lung or even my heart if he needed it! And thats not coz of some Darwinian need to keep my genes in circulation or nothing...I simply would coz I love him to bits! *shrug*

(I am based in Unspecified)

Posted by Aijin (partly perpetual) (385 days ago)

I think you have just proved my point!...

(I am based in Unspecified)

Posted by Justin Credible (385 days ago)

What? That loving a kid is conditional? Or that I am seriously repressed? Which point was I proving?

(I am based in Unspecified)

Posted by Well I'll Be (385 days ago)

JC

just wait till the kid reaches the teen years

you'll want to strangle them by then!

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by Justin Credible (385 days ago)

Oh hell yeah, like I said, I am totally sure he will turn on me like a rabid pitbull! Lol. I was a horrible teenager, I am sure I got my karmic payback coming for the hell I gave my folks! Ha

(I am based in Unspecified)

Posted by Saikunga (385 days ago)

But when the teenagers grow out of the horrible years (and even then it isn't too horrible, good days and bad days) - it is priceless to have young friend and to help them get their feet on the ground.

The love of a parent is unconditional - nothing a child does to you diminishes the love, and you keep loving them even if they are continually horrible to you. It hurts alot when they suffer and create bad situations for themselves, and as a parent it is unreal what you would do for your kids. Save them over your spouse - absolutely, save them over your self - a certainty.

It also doesn't matter how many kids you have - love is big enough to encompass all as much each other. I think that learning about love is the biggest lesson from having kids.

I could never understand it before kids either, I also believe unless you have kids you never really know how much your parents love you.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by gwern (385 days ago)

This is such and interesting thread. I so agree with Saikunga and JC. My 'babies' are now teenagers with ALL the problems that go with that. They cause me heartache, pain, tears frustration, agony,worry and above all financial hardship!! but the happiness, joy, pleasure, fun, life and love they bring me far outweighs that. I would throw myself in front of a bus for them..and I love my life! I also know that it isn't for everyone and don't believe in saying 'YES do it it's great!' I became pregnant as a teen and it wasn't in my plan for life but I wouldn't change all the ups and downs we've had. To plan it must be daunting and scary and we're not all natural parents and we don't all want to do it....but Aijin if you think we have kids to control them you are so not educated in how kids work...I wish it was that simple...hell no! If you think we do it so we have someone in our image...hell no!...any parent would tell you that that children from very early on are their own people and control is not in our vocabulary!! Guidance?...well I hope so...

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by Wheelymate (385 days ago)

my husband said he never thought about kids until he met me. but when he met me, he thought that even if we did have an unplanned pregnancy, it was for once not a scary thought. we have a 17 month old whom he fell in love with from day 1, would do anything for and another due in jan.

i always wanted kids. but when i had my #1, man, it was a real shock to the system. you feel an overwhelming amount of love for the child and feel the need to protect him but the responsibility and stress that came along with the new baby was also staggering.

but 17 months down the road, i don't think we can imagine life without our little one. yes, it means you are unlikely to ever have a nice lie in during the weekends again, that you'll be spending money on more rubbish toys (that you swore you would never bye), you stay up all night lying on the floor next to the cot when baby is sick, you cook meals that get rejected....and i expect the teenage years to be a rough road if he's going to be anything like his parents. it's a bloody tough job but when he says the first word, does silly things, dances, kisses you, etc it sounds totally sappy to say it but it's totally worth it. you feel like you can do anything for them. and i agree with saikunga, i didn't get it before but now i totally do.

(I am based in Singapore)

Posted by LMOPQ (385 days ago)

Simple. This is human nature.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by sgdolphine (382 days ago)

1) The little cutie pie that carry the looks of the lovers;(2)someone you can talk, cuddle and love for at least 15 years or more; (3)spice up a meaningless life;(4)contribute to the decreasing population;(5) have someone your very blood & flesh to take over your wealth; (6)Prove that you can be a proud & successful great parent; (7) See your failed dreams or goals comes true from your little ones; (8)Best way to spend your loads of free time (breeding kid/s)....etc

(I am based in Singapore)

Posted by sgdolphine (382 days ago)

(9)Hopefully, there will be someone taking care of you when you age till you die; (10) an excuse to visit the disneyland..etc as an adult without being snare or mock at.

(I am based in Singapore)

Posted by GemmaW (381 days ago)

This is how it works.

1) You get married, then you wonder if you're ready to have kids. Most of the time if you have not been exposed to children, you would say, "Can I do it? I'm really not that INTO children". But you have it anyway because it is your next step thinking, "Oh if I don't have them now, I will regret it".
2) Then you go on to have them. And when you do, you think, "I can't imagine my life without children. What was I doing before I had them? Nothing spectacular".
3) When they start rebelling, you think, "What was I thinking of when I decided to have children?"
4) When they leave home, you think "Life is so lonely without them".
5) Then when you become a grandmother, you start to remember why you've had kids.

Anyway, my point is.....

If you ask your question to someone who's single or just married, you get response no. 1)

Ask it to someone who is recently married, you get response no. 2)

Ask it to someone who has teenage children, you get response no. 3)

Then ask it to the elderly, and you'll get response no. 4)

By asking this, I'm almost 100% sure that you are either single or in category no 1). Yes?

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by Bluebutton (380 days ago)

I had my children very early and now they are in their teens. Even though I can't remember life without responsibility, there has never been one single moment of regret. My sons make life so fullfiling, they are a reason for looking forward to coming home each day. Yes, they are cheeky teens but they are also incredible individuals, its been so facinating watching them develop into these awesome human beings . They have encouraged and advised me in so many areas of my life- they are friends for life, nothing they do will ever change the way I feel aout them. Nothing could happen to diminich this overwhelming love I have for them. Nothing not even death.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by zonked (380 days ago)

This is one relationship you don't break, or drag for the heck of it! They're yours for a lifetime!

They give joy, and yes, they invade your privacy and annoy you but when you're in bed at night reviewing your day, they put a smile on your lips and make you complete....

I'll say people with kids are plain LUCKY.

On another note -- it's an ultimate gift of love for people who are deeply in love. For others, of course, it is just plain love of kids.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by whitecatbj (380 days ago)

i dislike kids when i was in 20s, now am in 30s i really want to have baby. to me get elder made me changed.

(I am based in Beijing)